It’s a happy time for you when your kids are nicely sitting
and playing with sibling or a friend at playdate. And then all of a sudden you
hear the screams and one trying to hit the other. You getting mad at them and
they both are correct and both are wrong. You are trying to sort out but none
is ready to understand because what they want to do is hit the other one, maybe
because that is what satisfies them. We just think that why can’t the elder one
just understand and “forgive”. Why doesn’t the younger one just obey the elder
one and be gentle and forgiving.
Well! Teaching our kids to be forgiving is very important
but how is the big question. These are few tips I follow with my 2 kids.
1.
Release out:
As elders even kids need to vent out their feelings, anger and frustration. To make
my kids confident I always ensure that they vent out. If the kids don’t vent
out properly they tend to bottle negative emotions and learn to live in stress.
After
a massive fight the first thing I ensure is I give each one a chance to speak
out their side. And after they complete their story it’s important to analyse
the situation there and then with them. So I cross question them who do you think
is correct, how you could avoid such a situation. How you can tackle it calmly
and patiently. If they are very aggressive I tell them to punch a pillow so
that they can calm down their rage. And probably set them to speak out their
feelings to me.
2. Talk it out: I tell them it’s perfectly
okay to be angry but we should know how to bring that anger out without being
physical with others. If we “forgive” the other person feels grateful and never
repeats the similar behaviour to you again. We try to set rule “talk with hands
and feet to yourself”. I tell them to repeat the rule and then follow the same
with each other. I ensure my kids talk to each other about their fight and who
went wrong and apologise to each other. This will make them learn how to sort
major issues in life by talking out peacefully and being forgiving. They should
not keep any antipathies in their heart and feel heavy hearted about any issue.
This will make them happy and a more sorted as a person.
3. Being empathetic: At times as a parent I
need to tell them a story or incidence that happened with me. How I tackle my
emotions and label their emotions. When my kids are really upset with some
issue that happened in my absence maybe at school, it becomes very important
for me to show some empathy and show them that we all sail in same boat but
what matters is being forgiving and staying happy. I always avoid to ignore my
child by assuming that they are being over dramatic over an issue. As a mother I
need to give all ears to my child to vent out their emotions and feel relieved
from the stress.
4. Forgiving model: Just talking and
giving time to the child doesn’t help. As said by K.Heath” kids are like a
mirror, what they see and hear they do. Be a good reflection for them.” The same
thing we need to do to our kids. I try to set a forgiving model in our house.
If the elders in the house have some issues we try to talk and sort. If one of
us is angry and loud the other tries to be patient and try to talk out. If we
showcase the forgiving model then only will the kids learn. Just teaching and
not conforming ourselves doesn’t help.
It’s
important for the kids to learn that forgiving the loved ones build stronger
bonds and ensure life long happiness.
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